Dear Treyarch...

First, we took Infinity Ward to task for MW2's shortcomings (which they still haven't addressed). Now it's Treyarch's turn. Giddyup.

Dear Treyarch,

Many people think you suck. They laugh and whizgiggle (click it, or I’ll do it to you) at you for being the spoiled little whipping boy who can barely hold up your end of the CoD duo. I too have been guilty of waving my fleshy parts in your general direction. After all, your debut flopped. CoD3 stunk.

I understand. It was the best game you could make in eight months. Maybe your first time was like mine, more awkward, demeaning and unglamorous than you dreamed it would be. Whatever. All that doesn't really matter. The fact remains that you are responsible for developing the only Call of Duty that sucked. That infamy may linger forever.

But there is hope – a chance to douse yourself with air freshener, to ease the suck. You could prevent the blondes from hee-hawing. If you self prescribe a huge dose of the right stuff, you might even grow truly largest than national.

Now that the new game smell has faded from MW2, some of your work is taking on fresh sparkle. For instance, you included four person cooperative play in your campaign. Coop gave a new way to play the game and added replay value to your title. You gave the choice to play alone to discover the story as you intended. You also gave the choice to turn on the giggle inducing exploding headshot and run through missions with friends. You added some extra fun to the game.

IW, on the other hand, chose to exclude cooperative play from MW2’s campaign under the guise of artistic integrity, or some such idealistic BS. It seems IW is willing to limit a player’s fun to maintain focus on game elements they deem critical to the understanding of their game. The notion we can’t discover art while killing and laughing is short sighted, stupid, and (frankly) condescending. IW must assume gamers, especially adult ones, lack the mental acuity necessary to discover and appreciate a developer’s talents while we’re nipple deep in the throes of head shot induced enjoyment.

I’d also like to give you the recognition you deserve for Spec Ops, the only truly new and unique element in MW2. I know. You’re probably thinking, “Snuphy, you dumb shit. You don’t know what you’re talking about”. Oddly, that’s the same thing I thought when I typed, “Dear Treyarch”. Nonetheless, I babble on.

I know you didn’t actually develop Spec Ops. You made Nazi Zombies. Nazi Zombies was painfully unoriginal. It provided me little replay value to your title. But it succeeded on two counts. First, it added a magical Third Element to your game disk. It was something to keep company with the two standard elements, campaign and multiplayer. It was something new. It was more content. It further embraced cooperative play. Second, IW noticed. IW had to embrace the Third Element, or potentially fall behind you, the developer who is simply in the two year rotation to fill in the gap and earn its masters an extra ski lodge in Aspen. You got IW’s competitive juices flowing. Obviously, they couldn’t just copy your lame zombies. They had to do something bigger and better, something that meshed with the battles, environments and character models encountered throughout the rest of MW2. They succeeded wonderfully. They even made it fun. Thankfully, you started it.

You also added a touch of shine to the dreaded craptastic CoD party system. I’m sure you’ve heard plenty about lobbies and dropped teammates. If you want to hear details, check out the allegedly wise ramblings of 2o2p's ingenious editor. Otherwise, please note that I noticed that you noticed. Your party lobby sucked big time. But it sucked a little less than the impotent system IW created for MW1. You at least tried to improve it to give a better multiplayer experience. I hadn’t given you credit for your efforts. But now that MW2 is out, I certainly should. IW chose to completely ignore the fucked up lobby in making MW2. They also chose to ignore the minor improvements you offered. They simply ported the broken MW1 party system, then opened the safe door so gamers could throw money into it by the truck load.

It looks as if IW is done innovating the CoD series. Even if I give them partial credit for Spec Ops, they brought nothing new or special to the table with MW2. More importantly, they overlooked critical faults in the essential infrastructure of the multiplayer component of their game. It seems as if they are content basking in their current fame and fortune.

In IW’s failures and inadequacies I see opportunity. The door has been opened wide. It’s gaping before you, Treyarch. Inside looks like a cross between an automatic car wash and a bidet. There is cleansing to be had in there that just might wash off some of that CoD3 taint and earn you some respect as a legitimate part of the franchise. To cross the threshold, you absolutely must create a party system that provides a stable lobby and an efficient gateway to multiplayer. The rest should be simple. Cleanse yourself of the tediousness of WWII and create a campaign that is fresh. Stay committed to coop. Adapt the multiplayer to mesh with your campaign. And make the Third Element something fun. This time next year I may still be waving my bare fleshy parts at a CoD developer. If you can successfully complete these tasks, I won’t be waving at you. You would be Mega, dreadfully greater than world, and quite larger than civil. If you can’t, I may be one of the biggest, fattest, proudest whizgigglers around.

Best of luck.

Snuphylupagus.