So when a teacher says, "we're going to teach your children how to use scissors to cut themselves", why does it seem like I'm the only parent who laughs?

I’m sure everyone has had some sort of weird experience while in the throes of a flu induced fever. I know I have. For instance, at some point this last Thursday, somewhere between muddled sleep and consciousness, while sweating my ass off under what seemed to be the drastically insufficient cover of four blankets, I became convinced my right testicle had shrunk. That’s quite a disturbing discovery if you’re not properly prepared. So I spent quite some time stretching, prodding and squeezing my dangling participles until I was certain that my right one was at least as large as my left, and that both were still as large as they had been on Wednesday. By then, I had over manipulated Little Righty to the point it hurt. By Friday morning I had the flu and a sore nut. Normally when something leaves me with sore testicles I manage to gleam some sort of life lesson from the incident. If there is a lesson this time, I can’t figure out what it is.

I'm actually disappointed during the years when there is a February 29th. Because on those years folks actually know when to celebrate my birthday. The other three years in between, however, seem to baffle everyone. The result is something more akin to a "birthweek" than a "birthday". This year my BW began last Friday when I blew out of work several hours early to embark on a beer related expedition that ended with a rarity, a real, actual, kid-free date with my wife. Saturday I was afforded the opportunity to sleep in and play Borderlands in an empty house before discovering an adult beverage called gueuze. Sunday I got to sleep in again, awoke to bacon and pancakes, was serenaded by my offspring, drank way too much St. Ambroise Oatmeal Stout, had a small family party, and ate lots of apple pie. Today a coworker bought me lunch and the Management bought me ice cream sandwiches. I should probably tell everyone that this birthday thing has gone on long enuf. Intsead, tonight I'm planning on more Ambroise before cracking the wrappers on my new controller and Bulletstorm. So maybe tomorrow I'll mention something. Or maybe not. Because I've been thinking. Next year there will be a leap year.